i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
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I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
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The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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