i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
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It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
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you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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