Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Randomize