I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
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I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
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The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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