based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
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Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
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The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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