I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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