I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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