just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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