I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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