Texts From Last Night

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  (559): View more from California

  my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.

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  (559): my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment. http://tfl.nu/sp0b
  Replies (20) Good night (3670) Bad night (751)
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.

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  (443): I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding. http://tfl.nu/l068
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  (214): View more from Texas

  My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.

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  (214): My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes. http://tfl.nu/jl4m
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  (250): View more from British Columbia

  tequila makes me forget i have legs

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  (250): tequila makes me forget i have legs http://tfl.nu/9rzk
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  (641): View more from Iowa

  she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...

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  (641): she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"... http://tfl.nu/ydyy
  Replies (11) Good night (1072) Bad night (3882) Order T-Shirt
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  (615): View more from Tennessee

  Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.

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  (615): Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again. http://tfl.nu/rwfi
  Replies (17) Good night (4184) Bad night (1055) Order T-Shirt
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  (206): View more from Washington

  Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?

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  (206): Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them? http://tfl.nu/5y9f
  Replies (6) Good night (1676) Bad night (730) Order T-Shirt
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  (208): View more from Idaho

  i robbed the continental breakfast last night

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  (208): i robbed the continental breakfast last night http://tfl.nu/xq3y
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  (480): View more from Arizona

  Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.

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  (480): Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed. http://tfl.nu/mw5c
  Replies (2) Good night (781) Bad night (1703) Order T-Shirt
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..

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  (412): Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza.. http://tfl.nu/7ino
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  (562): View more from California

  as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.

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  (562): as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment. http://tfl.nu/n398
  Replies (12) Good night (1789) Bad night (600) Order T-Shirt
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  (913): View more from Kansas

  Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time

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  (913): Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time http://tfl.nu/0t2u
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.

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  (317): You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk. http://tfl.nu/qv2s
  Replies (9) Good night (1147) Bad night (446) Order T-Shirt
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  (817): View more from Texas

  Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing

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  (817): Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing http://tfl.nu/0z5g
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  (+81): View more from

  I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.

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  (+81): I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue. http://tfl.nu/z1d0
  Replies (0) Good night (111) Bad night (449) Order T-Shirt

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