i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
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