I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I just had sex on a roof
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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