why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize