Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
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