please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize