you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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