shes about as inviting as chlamydia
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
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You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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