yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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