Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
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