He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
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