ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
the night ended with taco bell and tears
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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