apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize