I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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