the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Randomize