im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
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Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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