FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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