You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
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In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
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She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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