I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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