I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
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