My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
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