He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
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Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
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Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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