im six kinds of drunk right now
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
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listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
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Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
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