Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
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Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize