I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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