I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
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About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
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does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
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