Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
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She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
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Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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