so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
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