her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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