I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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