I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
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i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
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All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Randomize