You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
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I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
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Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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