I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
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I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
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You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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