New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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