I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
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Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
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I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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