I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
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They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
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he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
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