Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
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At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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