Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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