it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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