I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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