fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
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